So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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All im saying is that my face might fall off.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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