I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
