never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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