So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
