So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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