There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize