why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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