Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
