nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
