I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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