let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
