This is not my ceiling
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
