We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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