Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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