already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
