I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
