On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
