I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
