Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
