Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
