I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
