Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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