remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
