Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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