omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
