I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
