i just had sex bonerless
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
