if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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