hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
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He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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