i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
