my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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