New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
