that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just found a bag of teeth...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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