I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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