you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
