A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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