He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
