I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
