I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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