Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Fuck appropriateness.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
