We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Two words: nipple clamps
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