How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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