if you like me you must not know who I am
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
