Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
