Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
