i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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