They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
