You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
