just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
