just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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