well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
