Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
