Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
