You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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