when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
