went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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