so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
