So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
