just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
