But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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